Life is good

Life is so good these days.  Scott will be graduating soon, which is wonderful!  The month of March was VERY busy for him, but he has completed all of the required clinicals.  So for April he can focus on finishing his classes, studying for the National Registry, and work.
 
Now that Scott's schedule is finally slowing down a little we can actually spend some time together.  Last Saturday night we went on a date after he got home.  He can be such a sweetheart.  He brought me flowers in from the pear tree in the front yard.  We were playing around before we left and he made it into a "corsage". lol  Of course, it ended up in water before we left.  The date was wonderful, although we didn't get to do everything we had planned.

Ethan Turns 2!!!

Ethan turned 2 last week.  What a difference two years makes.  Looking at this little boy you would never know that he had a tough beginning.  He's just like any other two year old little boy.  He is so cute and sweet.

Ethan driving his big green tractor.

Tractor envy.

What A Difference A Week Makes

Last week was not a good week.  I was stressed beyond belief at work and thing just were not good.  I only worked out one night (I didn't even realize that until this week).  I was draaaagging all week.  This week I'm back to my old self.  Work isn't getting me down, I'm in an extremely good mood, I'm not dragging, and I'm catching up on my missed workouts.  Life is good!

I'm still behind at work.  There is just no catching up when you are doing two very hectic full-time positions.  I do have help from one of the other ladies in the office, which is awesome.  But it is still a lot of work and I'm ready for a new person to come in and take over!

I'm still reading The Love Dare.  I admit that I do not have the opportunity to read it every day.  Yes, it is only a couple of pages a day, but it is hard to fit those few pages in.  I'm not very far into the book, but I can already tell a difference in the way I view not only Scott but all of my loved ones.  The book isn't telling me anything I didn't already know; it's just bringing it back front and center.  About three weeks ago in my Skills class (during a session with my "counselor") it was brought to my attention that my priorities and what takes most of my time don't line up.  I vowed then and there that I was going to do better with putting the things that matter most to me at the top of the list.  I'm going to MAKE time for them.  At the very top of my list is family and friends.  Those two things are the most important things in my life.  The Love Dare helps with that.

I've also started reading another book, Captivating.  It's about what it means to be a woman.  I just started it last night.  I read a little at lunch today.  I'm not sure if it is going to be a book I love, but I do think it will make me stop to examine what is important in my life as a woman and what I need to be doing to be whole and happy.  Yeah I know, I really don't have time for another book.  But I have this strong urge to dig deeper into self-discovery and to grow spiritually.  It may take me a year to finish these two books, but I really feel like they will benefit me.

A Movie with the Girls

There's something about going to the movies that I love.  It's an opportunity to just get away from it all.  Distractions and the world disappear for a couple of hours.  What makes a movie great?  Sharing them with someone you love.

Last Saturday I went to Madison to visit with Jeremy and his family.  When Lauren found out that I was planning to go to the movies she quickly asked to go.  I promised Jeremy that if he brought the girls up I would take them to the movies.  The next day, after inviting Gracie to tag along, us girls loaded up and headed to the theater to watch The Tooth Fairy.  Our movie going experience (Gracie's first) was made complete with popcorn, Jr. Mints, and Sour Punch Straws.

 L-r: Kendall (11), Gracie (4), Lauren (9)

God Knows Whats in My Heart

It is comforting to know that God knows what is in my heart.  As long as He knows, that's all that matters.  It took a minute for me to realize this.  I was honestly ready to just spend my days keeping to myself earlier this week, because people misinterpreted something I said.  By the next day I realized that just isn't something I can do, so I gave up that idea.  Then two wonderful people reminded me that God knows where my heart is.  With that reminder I decided that it doesn't matter what people think.  I'm no longer an emotional wreck.  I also no longer have to bite my tongue to keep the peace, because I honestly don't care if people understand me or not.  What a great feeling!!!

Note: As soon as it was brought to my attention how it was interpreted apologies were extended. I hope they were accepted, but I honestly do not think they were. I've done all I can do in that department.  Now all I can do is move on.

Busy doesn't begin to describe it!

Can anyone say stressed?  I stay so busy these days!  I am praying for the day that my old position gets posted and we hire someone in it.  I just pray that person knows academics at State frontwards and backwards so I don' have to train them!!!  It is so stressful trying to keep up with two jobs at work and four graduate level classes.  I never have time for fun anymore.

One positive thing, I am staying on top of working out.  I am really digging P90X.  My body is going to be totally transformed before we head off on our cruise.  I might also mention, so is Scott's!  I can see a huge improvement in both of us already.  He's dropping pounds and building muscle, and I am really toning up!  I have even started seeing some muscle definition in my abs and back (which take longer for me to see results in).  We start week four Monday.  Can't wait for this week!

Now I've got to go study for a test...joy.

One More Thing

So I've decided to take one more thing on in addition to everything else I have going on.  At some point last year I joined a Christian book club.  Out of the books I ordered I have had time to read one of them.  They were discarded to the side and forgotten about until I ran across them in search of something else.  While I don't have time to read any of them, I am going to take the time to do The Love Dare.  I have had plans to start it all week, but it just hasn't worked out with my two jobs and four classes.  Tomorrow is the big day.  I WILL start it!

P90X Here We Come!!!

This is us December 24, 2009. Give us 90 days and you won't be able to recognize us. lol Okay, so maybe you will, but we will be healthier, fitter people. Scott and I will begin the P90X program tomorrow. He wants to slim down and build muscle. I want to eat a more balanced diet and build muscle. Starting weights are 188 (he's already lost some) and 121 (unfortunately, I've lost some from not eating right). This is going to be a hard program to stick to with both of our hectic schedules, but we WILL do it!

In addition to P90X I will be running more. Scott, such a wonderful husband, got me a treadmill for Christmas. I can tell a huge difference in my motivation and dedication to getting healthier already. And even with mostly just running I can see the muscle definition returning to my legs. Yes! We also combined our Christmas money and bought a small home gym. I'm so proud that he has been using both pieces of equipment too. Can't wait to be a smoking hot couple on the beaches of the Caribbean!

Light bulbs and Decisions

First the light bulb...I forgot my password to my blog (which is why I haven't posted in a while). It just hit me that it was the same as my gmail password. Duh! All this time I haven't been able to respond to blogs or post my own. Man I'm getting forgetful!

Now the decisions...I just read a note on Facebook that one of my friends posted. She will be having a child soon (within a month). In the note she mentioned how they tried for 2 1/2 years and how devastating it was. To me 2 1/2 years doesn't seem long at all. It made me realize that it has now been 12 years since I have been dealing with infertility and 2 years since our failed IVF. So much has gone through my head in that time about starting a family. Scott and I debated last year about trying again (or picking back up on the adoption road) this summer. But then I wonder...will either work? Will I be waiting forever? Am I meant to be a mom? And, yes, sometimes I even wonder if I truly still want to be a mom. That last question enters my mind more often as I inch closer to 30. Deep down I know that I truly do still want to have children. I think the last thought is a defensive thought so that I won't be devastated if that dream never comes to fruition.

Changes in Life

I'm going to try to get better at keeping this updated. I have not been doing a good job so far. There have been many changes since my last post. I've started the Master's program in Rehabilitation Counseling and gotten back into becoming healthy. Those two things pretty much keep me busy. I'm not going to go into a lot of boring details right now. I will save that for later posts. :-) I will say, I'm training for a 10K at the end of October. Not sure how that is going to turn out. I think I may have bitten off more than I can chew, which I tend to do.

I've also started a FB profile for my church, which I will be maintaining. I've been wanting to do something to help and with my schedule loaded down this is my start.

Ramblings

It has been forever since I updated due to various reasons, so this update is just a jumble of everything. They aren't necessarily in order.


EASTER

Easter Sunday was spent at Scott's grandparents' house. There are still a few nieces and nephews young enough to enjoy a good Easter egg hunt. Apparently Chance likes a good egg hunt too. I'm sure he was watching where they were put, and as soon as everyone had their backs turned he snagged an egg! He will eat ANYTHING!

Thankfully, not all the eggs were real, so the little ones didn't have to fight for all of them. Chance did think about going after one of Ethan's plastic eggs when he threw it on the ground, but knew he'd be smarter not to.

TURKEY HUNTING

Scott hasn't had a lot of time to play lately. He's been working full-time as an EMT at Columbus, part-time at Eupora, taking 18 hours of school work, and doing clinicals. He finally got a break from everything (including studying) and went turkey hunting. He bagged the turkey below within the first 10 minutes. Without questions, he went back out.

Scott didn't look too happy when I was taking his picture, so I told him to act happy. He made several crazy faces that I got lucky enough to get pictures of. The one above is my favorite.

CAKE

We had a baby shower for one of the ladies at work and I volunteered to make the cake. I've been dying to make a baby booty cake that I saw online. It gave me fits with the icing for the sheet cake, but I think it turned out pretty good considering.

This is the booty part of the cake before I put it on the sheet cake. I wish I would have had more time to dedicate to details, but I was a little busy that week.



I forgot to snap a picture before covering the cake. :-( It was so much cuter without the plastic wrap on it, but I was not about to unwrap it!

RELAY FOR LIFE TOILET

This toilet is being passed around the community by my church. We are one of the Relay for Life teams in Eupora; this is one of our fundraisers. We were lucky enough to get it from a friend from church. We passed it along to Scott's mom.

PARADE FOR THE EUPORA TROOP

Eupora had a parade for the troop we had leaving. Several members of our church went to the parade. I think most of Eupora was there.



Before the parade I was about to die of thirst, so I went by the local drive-in to get a cherry-limeade. I told them I wanted very little ice (because I wanted more drink). I think they replaced the ice with cherries. Someone got a little carried away! And this picture was taken after I had eaten a couple of cherries.




Scott was at the parade in his rig. :-) I was able to zoom in and get a shot of him trying to backup without running over anyone. lol For those of you who don't know, Scott will be starting full-time at Eupora next week. Does that mean I'll see him more? Not necissarily...he'll be part-time at Columbus still.

Good Friday

I can't believe it is Good Friday already. Where has the time gone? And it definitely is a going to be a good Friday. It is beautiful outside. This is my kind of weather. I spent about an hour outdoors weeding my flowerbeds and didn't even break a sweat. Yeah, my whole smother the weeds with mulch thing isn't going to work. If it was something that I was wanting to grow that got covered with three inches of mulch it would already be dead. Something I'm trying to kill and it shoots right through. My new strategy is to brush back the mulch and weed the section that shoots out through the mulch. We'll see how that goes.

Tomorrow night I am going to hang out with some of my best friends and their families. We are going to go through old pictures and reminisce about younger days. :-) Mostly, we are going to laugh at how ridiculous we looked. What were we thinking back then?!? So now I'm going through my cookbooks to figure out what in the world I want to cook. Everything looks soooooo good.

Spring has sprung

SPRING IS HERE!!!!

After returning home from camping Friday night, I was up bright and early Saturday morning to participate in the Run Wild event hosted by MSU. I ran my second 5K (the first was the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure last October) and beat my previous time by more than 2 minutes, coming in at 37:20. It may not be a great time, but I am proud of myself. I'm planning to run the Natchez Trace 5K later this month. I will actually train for that one, so maybe I will beat my time again. After the race I went shopping for supplies for my flower garden, ate lunch with Cyrena and Katrina, and then headed home to unload the camper and start on improving the yard.

With the arrival of spring it is time to get in the yard. I've always wanted to have a beautiful yard with tons of flowers. I'm a perennial type of gal though. I like to plant things with the idea that they will come back. Sometimes that doesn't happen, because I'm still a newbie with a brown thumb. Last year I did very little to my beds and I can tell this year. The weeds have taken over. Can you smother grass with mulch? I'm trying my best to do that, because I got tired of trying to get it all out of the beds.

This ivy may not seem like much, but it is the prized possession in my yard this year. I've never had luck with ivy, but this little guy is a survivor! I will have to be sure to tell Mamaw thanks for some hardy ivy.

My success with the ivy gave me the idea to try my had with azaleas again. I have never been able to keep them alive in my yard. Maybe this little guy and his friend will survive me.

When Nanny and I went to Oxford a week and a half ago there were so many houses that had beautiful phlox growing. I just had to have my own!!! I choose a purple hue to complement my irises.

These irises are in the bed I have next to the road. They are very hardy and multiply quickly. I also have them in other locations around my yard and have shared them with others. Be prepared to receive some of these in the future if you are a friend who shares a passion for flowers.

Okay, my irises do well, but these are just absolutely GORGEOUS. The blooms are so much larger than mine. It's a shock, but true...these beauties belong to Scott's grandma instead of me. They did not flower last year, but they are definitely going to show off this year. May have to steal some bulbs from these when they are ready to divide.

Relaxation

This past week we took a much needed vacation. We went camping at Lake Lamar Bruce with my parents, Timothy and his family, and a couple who is friends with my parents. It was very pretty and relaxing. I wish it would have been a little warmer, but at least I got some time away from everything. Everyone had a good time, but I would almost bet Gracie had the best.

Almost everyone braved the cold weather to fish. Mom and Dad are on their way out in this pic.

Gracie tried her best, with no luck, to call the ducks so she could pet them.

But her favorite guest was domestic and loved a good petting. She requested this picture be taken, and wanted to take my picture with the dog. I passed.

She rode her bike on the "bridges" every chance she got. Out of the seven piers there was only one she was not allowed to go on, because it had no rails. On one of our "bridge" expeditions she exclaimed that she was "SO HAPPY!" She was having a ball.



She got to blow bubbles with her new bubble gun, but she had more fun popping them.

Riding her bike, again, with Uncle Scott by her side. Even though he was making her go back to the camper for not listening to us, she didn't seem to mind. Can't get her spirits down!

We had lots of wildlife to admire while we were away. Below are a few of our wild neighbors.

None of us were really sure what type of duck this was, or if it was a duck. He had to be the inspiration for the ugly duckling. I felt bad for the poor thing. He would try to hang with the mallards and they would not have it. At least he had to female companions with him.

This is one of his companions. Apparently, she felt right at home on my parent's Mallard camper. I couldn't resist taking a picture from this angle.

This male goose decided he needed a bath while his females soaked up the sun.

These mallards pretty much stayed around our campsite. They enjoyed eating crackers, and even dined on a little popcorn.

I hated to see the week come to an end. Now it is back to real life and responsibilities.

Friends

June 2008 - Class Reunion

After our 10 year high school reunion last year several of our old "gang" made plans to keep in touch. We try to get together at least once a month to do something. Some months we get together more than once, but one thing is certain...we always have fun!

I am so glad that we reconnected with each other. There are a few of our friends who we never seem to be able to get together with. Maybe they will be able to get together with us one day soon.

Harvest Festival - Dana & Gracie

Me, Cyrena, Kim, & Katrina - After going out to eat and to the matinee.

Fertility Struggles

I've been debating on what and how detailed I want to be in this blog since I don't really know who all will be reading it. After a lot of deliberating I have decided to be as open as possible. After all, if someone happens upon this blog by using a search engine then maybe what I have to say will help them.

I've wanted to be a mother for as long as I can remember. When I was a little girl I always had a doll or ten to take care of. If it was cold outside I would wrap them in a blanket before heading outside. I didn't want them to get cold or sick. LOL My mom even has a picture of us with my dad when he was either going or getting back from hunting, my brothers with their BB guns and me with my doll. I understand they had their guns to be like Daddy. I guess I didn't want my doll left out. I vaguely remember that day. There is another picture of the four of us with a deer my dad had killed. I'm pretty sure that picture has me holding a doll as well. My point being, I was always nurturing something. If it wasn't my dolls it was some form of domestic animal. :-)

People are always curious if Scott and I have kids or want kids. Most who know us know that we have tried, but some don't know the whole story. Others may be curious about the details but too scared they will hurt our feelings to ask. Here is our story...

We started trying to get pregnant as soon as we got married. After a couple of years of nothing I started going to a local OBGYN who did little to nothing to help us. I heard about a fertility endocrinologist in Jackson through family/friends, so we went to see him. Every test taken we had results well beyond average, yet there was still no pregnancy. We had unexplained fertility. We went through so many things. After closely monitoring ovulation and timing everything for just the right moment on our own it was time to go to more extreme measures. We did three IUIs (artificial insemination) using a low dose fertility pill. Each cycle was closely monitored. With each I had no less than five eggs that were perfect sized, and the lining of the uterus was perfect for implantation. Still, no luck. The next step...IVF (invitro fertilization).

We went back to self monitoring, because IVF was way out of our budget. After a year or so of self monitoring we decided it just wasn't going to happen. Adoption started becoming a better looking option for us. Both of us had already discussed our desire to adopt. I had planned from 3rd or 4th grade that I would adopt. I just thought I would have biological children first. We research agencies and found one we felt comfortable with. We started the process and were about half way in when they put us on hold until we had what they desired for us to have in a savings account. Right after they put us on hold we ended up having enough money to pay for either an adoption or an IVF cycle. Since we were on hold we weighed our options. Adoption was really stressful. And although the agency was only doing their job, they made us feel like we weren't good enough to be parents. They repeatedly asked us the same questions over and over and over. It made us feel like they didn't trust us and were trying to catch us in a lie. It was a hard decision to make, and we discussed it ALOT.

In the end we decided to go with IVF and see what would happen. I won't bore you with all the small details but over the course of the cycle I had to suppress my cycle, take a baby aspiring everyday to aid in preparing the uterus for implantation, take shots to prepare the lining of the uterus, stimulate follicle growth, mature the follicles, put hormones into my body that would normally be there if I were to get pregnant on my own, and take estrogen pills. I'm sure I've left something out but it was a lengthy process and everything was on a strict time schedule. Scott and I actually ended up on the side of the highway doing the shot to mature the follicles for retrieval because we had to stick to that schedule. Thank goodness there was no traffic that night!!!

I tried to stay optimistic yet pessimistic enough that if it didn't work I wouldn't be devastated. In the back of my mind I felt it wouldn't be successful. The retrieval process was painful, even though I had a drip to help ease the pain. They ended up retrieving 7 eggs that were viable. They fertilized them and monitored them for a few days, keeping us notified of development. 4 of them fertilized and continued to divide as they should have. They actually gave us a picture of the embryos prior to implanting them into my uterus. Since I knew they were going to do that, I had research what healthy embryos looked like. I could tell mine weren't as healthy as they could have been. All hope was not lost though because sometimes embryos that don't look as healthy result in a viable pregnancy. 3 were implanted, 1 was left in the lab for monitoring. The one never divided past day 3, so it was discarded. If it had continued to divide it would have been frozen for our future use.

Needless to say, IVF did not work. The day we had to go to Jackson for the official pregnancy test I took a home test without letting anyone, not even Scott, know. It turned out negative. The blood work was just a verification process for me. Both of our moms went with us to give us moral support in case we both broke down or to celebrate with us if our test was positive. I was fine with the news we got (as fine as I could be) until we got home. I started cleaning my kitchen (sometimes I clean when I'm upset to get the nerves out of my system) and the tears started coming as I stood there washing my dishes. My sweet, sweet husband came to me at that very moment and held me in his arms. That is when the flood gates opened. I cried forever, he held me and told me he loved me and that we can always try again. He was definitely my rock that day.

I've been fine since. We've discussed what our next option is but we have never had a clear decision in front of us. One day I think one way, the next I think the other way. The adoption process is hard and stressful. Or it was for us. I would like to start that process again, but in the back of my mind I am terrified that no one will think we are the couple for their child. I look at the list of families on the site for the agency we were using and some of the same families that were there when we first started investigating agencies are still there. What if we are never chosen and just continue to wait the rest of our lives? I was assured by my endocrinologist that with adjustment of medications and cycle time our chances of pregnancy would be better, but it is still no guarantee. Do we take that chance again? Will we be throwing money down the drain again? There are so many questions running through my mind that can never be answered without the leap of faith one way or the other. I'm torn. One way to parenthood is no better or worse than the other. Which way do we go?

I will say that I have grown a great deal through our struggles, and I believe Scott and I are closer for everything we have endured. I am generally happy for others who are blessed with an addition to their family, and it is my hope that no one will ever be scared they will hurt my feelings if they have to tell me they are pregnant. I know there have been cases in the past where it terrified people to tell me. Trust me, I'm not as fragile as I sometimes seem. I don't want people to feel sorry for us. Just continue to support us and celebrate with us when we finally come to the day we can announce an addition to our family. I am happy for my friends and family who are blessed with children. I do have a great family. Scott and I, although small, are a wonderful family. Plus, we have a wonderful extended family and great friends surrounding us. Thank each and every one of you for being the person that you are and being a part of our lives.

Addict Confession

I was never tempted to try it but people kept insisting that I needed to join in. Then others refused to use what I used so I changed to the kind they were using. Now it is official...I'm a social networking junkie!

I love MySpace and Facebook. They have allowed me to get back in touch with so many of my friends and to stay more current on the friends/family I never lost touch with. Unless I am extremely busy I check both of them every day. I love seeing how everyone is doing, looking at their pictures, seeing who they talk to, etc., etc. It doesn't run my life, but it really is an addiction.

Katrina, one of my best friends, and I were discussing older pictures earlier today. She scanned some of her old pictures in and posted them. Wow, they bring back old times. I can't wait to find time to rummage through my old photos. It will be so fun to go down memory lane and share those times with everyone.

The Beginning

I have decided to start blogging. I'm not sure anyone will even be interested in reading what I have to say, but I figure there may be one or two people who will find our ramblings interesting. Scott may or may not (probably not) post on here. If he doesn't I'll be sure to keep everyone current on what is going on in his life too.

This is the beginning of many entries to come. We've been through a lot in the 9 years we have been together from trying to start a family to going back to school after 15 years. I will tell some of those tales to fill in the gaps to our lives for those who are interested when I feel the urge. I hope everyone enjoys!